Attending a
friend’s wedding is a fun event. The wedding that I recently went to was no
exception to this rule. Dhiren’s much awaited wedding was set for 16th
February 2010 (a year later than expected) in his home town of Ghaziabad . There was enough Bollywood masala
coating this pakoda. In brief, the girl’s father was totally against the
wedding but as they say ‘ miya biwi razi to kya karega kazi’, the date was set
& invites sent out.
The fun started
from the day Dhiren casually mentioned online that yes, the wedding date is
very much fixed with no change whatsoever and I have to be there! Well, had I
known this earlier I would have taken the much comfortable Rajdhani to the
capital city and back. This lead time gone, I had to turn into a VIP and get
flight tickets to and fro. Thank the low cost airlines for coming to my rescue
at such short notice. Oh and I must mention that I made sure I was buying
“refundable” tickets, you never know, what if the date got postponed again?
I have never before
made acquaintances with these many drunks nor do I expect I will be doing so in
future. Every 2nd person we would ask be it a passer by or a hand
cart puller or a pan wala would be happy high and over enthusiastic in guiding
us – “waise to yeh sadak seedhi jaati hain par aap ek kaam karo, aap baye mud
jaana agle choraha se” (all the time he would be pointing the other way i.e.
left and ask us to go right)! We would go round and end up at the same point
where we had turned off. Up one bridge, round back and under that bridge next! Who
ever thought crossing one railway track was such a herculean task. We passed by
the same landmarks over and over again – the “gao shala” and the under pass. Oh
and it was rude of us to turn down a few offers from some nice gentlemen who
wanted to climb into our cab and direct us right up to the gate of the venue,
“chaliye hum chod aate hain aapko waha tak”. To add to this rapidly building
crescendo were the incoming calls from our other dear friends who were already
at the venue waiting for us. And hey, we now had a new landmark that was sure
to get us there – sundar nagari paani ki tanki! Isn’t it such a catchy and
impressive landmark? You would imagine a BIG tank and smack below it would be
the venue! Oh wishful thinking. The road to this tanki was wide enough for one
hand cart but of course our Indica could squeeze through. By now, I guess even
our driver (who was so far cool as a cucumber) was getting a way bit annoyed.
He rammed into a hand cart while waving out to him to stop. It didn’t occur to
him that if the hand cart isn’t stopping he could brake. Here was acted out one
more drunken scenario. I exercised tremendous control over my giggles. Picture
– Sunil Pal (of the much famous Laughter Challenge) drunk & cross eyed and
you have the passenger of the hand cart. And now picture a down trodden, poor,
hardly surviving ordinary hand cart puller. Action – our cab bangs into the
hand cart (of course, our driver’s fault but would he accept it? Of course
not!), the passenger gets down and uses some widely colorful language (my vocab
surely expanded that day), slaps the hand cart puller around, pulls away the
hand cart from the cart puller and tries to mount it! Intervenes a localite and
saves the cart puller from further slaps and tries to push away the drunk.
Round about, the passenger now offers to ride the cart and he does! He mounts
on to the cart, turns about and rides away leaving behind the bewildered cart
puller and enough way for our Indica to pass through. This scene still makes me
dizzy and seems so very unrealistic till day.
Moving ahead, we
decided to give it one last shot (else we would turn around and head back to
Delhi) and bumped into a sane young chap (a rare find so far in all the time
that we were there) who kindly directed us to the right path. Having reached
one more junction, we decided to check for directions once again lest we turn
off the other way. Lo and behold, action replay – “waise to aap left jaa sakte
ho par aap right chale jao”, “aapko parking main jaana haina, acha parking
nahi? Park main”, “park jaana hain to left chale jao (again when pointing to
the right)”. Was this all intentional? Or is this a basic flaw in the geography
books of Ghaziabad ?
I will never know!
Finally! We reached
the venue, a little shy of mid night. It shouldn’t have been much of a surprise
to us that the reception was over, the food was packed up and caterers were off
to make their own merry. Our friends too had given up and left sometime back.
Asking around, we came to know that the girl’s house was close by and that was
where the pheras were happening and the couple was, and we could go meet them.
How do we reach there? “Light follow karte jao, pahuch jaoge”. We were relieved
to finally see Dhiren’s to be wife surrounded by the usual bevy of women &
looking pretty as a doll. Dhiren was already carrying out the necessary rites
and hence, all we could do was pride ourselves on the fact that yes we could
finally make it. His to be wife was upset we had missed dinner and started
ordering around for some food to be got in, but we begged ourselves out of it
due to the late hour and the need to go back to Delhi.
Back to Delhi took us half the time than earlier and we were in Delhi at 12.45am. No
dinner and stomach rumbling had us racking our brains for a possible eatery
that would be open at this late hour. The one hope – paratha wala, was shutting
shop just as we reached there. Luckily there was a McD open nearby and we were
able to finally grab some burgers & fries. I was back to my hotel at 1am
and feeling guilty for waking up the hosts so late but to my surprise the other
group who was staying there was just finishing up dinner. Playing back the
entire day in my mind, I finally dozed off at 2am, had a late wake up the next
day and an awesome breakfast of gobi parathas and was off at ease for my flight
back home!
This is one whirlwind wedding that I will surely not forget in a hurry and recall every time I need a laugh. The drunks are imprinted on my mind for long..........HIC!
PS:
I have titled this so because it not just sounds impressive but in my view, was
quite an accurate landmark in hindsight because the main highway was just 2
turn offs away from there................